And yet again…RESOLUTIONS!!! Well working on ideas for them.

Well not the entire list of at least 10 resolutions I like to do each year but I thought I would well … think on them out loud here so to speak.
There are so many things I have slacked on especially in the last 4 months that I have to get my act together or risk really failing.
Not just failing to reach the final goal (185 with my knees replaced and strong enough to recover well and keep the weight off and build muscle) but of reaching the Next goal (reaching 230 -my halfway gone minus 1 pound mark- and staying there or below for over a month before I get my wedding ring resized)
There are other goals like getting to 200 pounds by August 2012 and scheduling my knee surgery for after that…getting strong enough to recover from that surgery and then being back on my feet and mostly recovered by my 44th birthday in Dec 2012.
The thing is right now I KNOW that I am not towing the line where my health and weightloss success is concerned and I need to go back to basics and stay there.

I have felt really crappy since just before Halloween and in taking stock of things I realize I just how badly I have slacked on taking care of myself and that (especially since surgery) I need to really make an effort to stay healthy physically because it effects everything most of all my mental state.

I listed a lot of what I have to give up and it just feels overwhelming at times to 1. realize how badly I am slacking and 2. realize how much I need to change and give up… it is weird but I feel sad to realize there are somethings I will never be able to take for granted or do without repercussions as long as I live if I want to feel decent or even just survive.

Some examples:

I am giving up drinking booze because I just end up sleepy and it takes so little to make me wasted and I never know from time to time if I will get a nice happy buzz for a while then get tired or just go strait to the tired part.  I don’t drink a lot but when I do drink I tend to end up wanting to do it again the next day even knowing it wont help.  I reserve the right to have a rare single drink once in a while but no more buying bottles of cheap wine that I just pour out half of upon waking up after drinking a big glass of it and feeling like crap the next day and snapping people’s heads off.

I suffer from SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder, really bad and due to being so tired all the time in the winter I tend to drink a LOT of coffee.  Recently I found that it is a serotonin uptake inhibitor, it actually makes SAD worse and is the reason that the sleep I get is so worthless.   So I also need to reduce my caffeine intake to no more than one 10 oz cup of the real stuff a day..for me this means either one STöKs coffee shot in my protein drink OR a large half caffeinated half decaf coffee at Dawson’s but not all that plus a couple more big glasses of coffee a day as I have been doing recently and no more quad-shot lattes.  I know from experience I can not go cold turkey from this much caffeine so I am giving myself one week to reduce my intake.

Simple Carbs (basic sugars and starches) and my body hate each other… it is a sad fact that I love a lot of them and I have a serious addiction issue with sugars. My body does not treat carbs like just fuel but as a drug and so I not only crave them the more I eat them but I end up feeling hung over and emotional after eating too many of them. As with coffee I am giving myself until the first of January to be in control of my intake but unlike caffeine I am going to try to cut simple sugars out of my diet almost totally.
This includes baked goods (sad face) all bread, pasta, white potatoes and rice (no loss I don’t really care about them) and candy yes including chocolate at least more than a bite of 88% dark once in a while (sob)

I also need to exercise more, this winter even with the cortisone shots my knees have been hurting and I can honestly say I am feeling weaker in my legs than ever and if I do want my knee replacement sometime after the summer I need to start building up my strenght.

I am tired of feeling sick and being worried about how my body will react with gas and I am tired of feeling bad that I am not doing more to fix this when I know I need to so now is as good a time as any to make changes.

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