Tag Archives: money

I spent WHAT on junk food last month??

I am hoping we will see a major ($120-$170) a month reduction in what we spend by just my stopping eating ALL simple carbs and 85% of coffee (which I only drank while out)
My purchases of just to go (gas station) coffee was over $75 a month and I drink cheap stuff (drip coffee and milk) and though I still go to coffee as a social thing we dont buy sweets while there so that cuts the bill by $2-$4 a trip (2 or 3X a week)

I had gotten so that on average I was spending maybe $20+ a week on junk food which considering I have had Weight loss surgery and my guts dont do well with sugar is actually a lot. I dont keep Alex from eating sweets but before if I wanted a donut I got one for him as well, if I wanted sweets we split it and he doesn’t have my sweet tooth so now he doesnt eat it as much and not around me just to be nice.
I have bitched that the amount of protein I have to eat is so pricey but it is amazing realizing that I was eating over $100 a month in just junk food.

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Filed under Accountability, Addiction, confession, money, random daily stuff

Finding something worth holding on for on a horrible day

I have been bummed for a few days, I wanted to “donate” plasma for $ but between having to get my surgeons permission and my iron being low it may not happen and right now it seems like my only hope to make extra money to help around the house.  Alex is determined to donate though but I worry about him, we have a list of things we need, #1 is to fix our teeth.
I need to get off my ass tomorrow while he is at the stab lab and take the permission form to my Dr. Then if they approve it I will have to make sure I stay up on my iron and start donating twice a week.  I just can’t let Alex be the only one doing this.
On top of being broke and worrying about my health my house is a mess and I feel so crappy I just can’t keep up with it.  I feel like a total failure, keeping house is nothing compared to the hard work Alex does, and yet I suck at it.
I am also so stressed about my weight, I am stuck in a yo-yo between 249 and 255, up and down and I don’t seem able to break the cycle.  It doesn’t help that I don’t seem able to break the addiction to simple carbs, sugar most of all, and that brings us to yesterday.
I had decided I would again give up simple carbs and chart my protein, water intake and even my calories starting Thursday and I had a decent start on it.  I behaved while having coffee with friends Wednesday night and was OK and took my iron early in the morning Thursday.  I drank and ate my protein when I got up then it hit me like a rock.
What had started as a generally snappy mood became full blown PMS, I was mad, everything upset me and I was snapping at Alex and when we went driving everything made me furious.  I got more and more upset and realized it was PMS since even though the severity of my PMS and my cycle has changed they are still regular and right on time.
On top of all that I wanted chocolate like mad, I was almost in tears about it and I had to decide for my sanity and the safety of others to postpone the onset of what I know will be very unpleasant Carb withdrawal.  For me Carb withdrawal is very like my old PMS, I get sad, moody and grumpy but not quite as out of control as I was yesterday.  I just couldn’t imagine facing all that on top of the angry PMS and really awful leg pain I was going through at that moment so I decided that I would wait and try to reduce my intake starting Friday and see if I couldn’t be off them by the first.
Part of me says I am just justifying wanting chocolate but the part of me that honestly had to restrain from hitting my amazing husband for not understanding something I said knows I made a decent choice.  I hope that by this time next week I will be off simple carbs again and by this time next month my withdrawals with be over and if I am lucky and my Dr can help me my PMS will be better or not at all.
Anyway I felt such guilt about giving up going cold turkey on carbs an about being mean to Alex (no I never hit him but I sure growled and grumbled a lot) that it was eating me up inside. So as he is getting ready to head to work (he works 10p to 6am) we were standing in the hall and I hugged him and teased him about how I was the perfect height for him to hold and he just pulled me tighter and kissed my forehead and I realized that he did not want to let me go either.  Despite being a bitch, something I actually hate being even for a little while, my amazing husband wanted to hold me and make it all better for me.
I know I need to work harder, I need to be in control and get healthy so I can be with him as long as I can.

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