Tag Archives: weigh in

Giving up so much but getting more back

So it seems that not eating carbs, sugars, and drinking lots of milky tea this week has finally made a difference, in 3 days I lost 5 pounds and I am now at my lowest adult weight of 217.

Lets just hope I can stick with it and lose 13 more pounds by Dec 7th (my birthday) to reach my goal of half of what I weighed the day of my weight loss Surgery when I was 411 pounds.
Personally if at all possible I would love to lose 20 pounds by new years day so I could strt the year under 200 pounds.

I just wish it was easier for me and not such a constant struggle.  I really wish that I had more self control but the fact is I have major impulse control issues, right now I am having to give up so much for my health and to reduce my pain on top of all the stuff I have had to give up due to my altered anatomy (but much of which I wasn’t giving up enough which explains why I have been stalled)

Just to give you an idea here is the stuff I can NOT have:
*Simple carbs/sugar, including alcohol,
*Large amounts of gluten,
*Pasta, bread, actually regardless of if it is gluten free my body can handle almost no grains/rice of any type, except very small amounts of Quinoa
*Almost every raw vegetables (only a small amount of well cooked ones)
*And almost all fruit due to the fiber,
*Anything at all with MSG or most nitrates
*Anything deep fried regardless of how little breading is on it
*Fibrous, dry or under cooked cuts of meat
*Too much Splenda sweetener
*Any sugar-free candy
*And I have had about an 85% reduction in caffeine from what I was drinking 2 weeks ago
Here on the other hand the kind of stuff I can eat:
Milk (lots of it…especially in tea)
Lite (low sugar) yogurt
Cheese
Very tender Chicken, fish, non fatty Beef and Pork (this gets old fast BTW..and it is expensive even when you eat small amounts)
Scrambled eggs in small amounts but not Boiled as they can make me sick
Small amounts of Quinoa
White or black beans super well cooked
Tomatoes and cucumbers (if peeled)
Well cooked peppers in small amounts, same with onions
Nuts like Almonds (though too many hurt my guts)
Peanuts and Adams Peanut butter
Split pea soup if I cream it
Decaf coffee and tea
A small amount of regular tea
When I stick with eating only what I can then I feel better eventually but the first week or so is hell, last week I tried to let myself have about an oz of dark chocolate but I think it was making it harder.
By the way when I list what I can and cant eat, or the meds/ vitamins/ supplements I take I am not looking for Pity not even from myself.
I knew most of what I was giving up with my surgery before it happened in late April 2010 (30 months ago) but I have cheated A LOT.  I realized recently that beyond slowing my weight loss I was having issues with sugar and carbs exacerbating my Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and causing many symptoms to flair up and because it was getting so bd I can not eat Sugars (carbs) very much at all with out exhaustion and increased pain sensitivity and a serious increase in inflammation which leads to lower mobility and even more pain.
All of this is my choice, my choice to give up those things just as it is my choice when I eat things I shouldn’t, yes Insulin Deficiency makes it more difficult to resist sugar but it does not make it impossible nor does it force feed me against my will.  No, I am the only one who puts the food in my mouth and I can choose even if it is difficult to the point of tears not to eat something.
Everyday for years I had to make the choice to walk despite horrible pain (there are still days like that even nearly 250 pounds smaller) I could of chosen to give up and never walk anywhere but I kept moving s much as I could.
I make my own choices…I could have kept going as I was, not having surgery, not changing anything and simply continued to get bigger and by now I would be in a wheel chair and compulsively eating to deal with stress and pain and making everything worse and I would be in so much more pain than now and so exhausted (as I have been most of my adult life) that I would not of been able to help myself get better.
For that matter I could have kept going the way I have been for the last year or more since surgery, eating the foods I knew upset my stomach and guts and having no energy and stalling weight wise for months on end, and just hating myself for failing to behave.
So no I am not asking for pity, I made my choices and now I am trying to live up to the decisions I made.
sadly I realize that this means I get to change things like how I socialize since food is a huge part of that, there may be times when I shall simply have to avoid certain social situations until I can feel more in control of myself.
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Filed under Accountability, Addiction, Arthritis and health issues, changing how I think, chronic fatigue syndrome, Food, goals, health, Motivation, pain, positive thought, spoonie, taking steps to improve things, the past, weigh ins