PTSD from old pain?

Note: it is kind of hard for me to type right now, I am laying in bed with my right leg very elevated and my mini-laptop on my chest (propped up on a blanket so I can see the keyboard) and I am more than a little doped up so bare with me. Today I got my forth set of cortisone shots in my knees and for the first time the shot themselves were very painful due to inflammation of the joint and connective tissue. Since it is difficult for me to take any kind of anti-inflammatory medicine due to the weight loss surgery making NSaId drugs dangerous for me I had not thought to take anything for swelling and since the pain was not too bad when I walked in I thought everything would be ok. WRONG…the shots themselves were unusually painful and afterwards we went out to coffee and I walked a little thinking that it would help break down the crystals in the cortisone and loosen my knees up. WRONG AGAIN we went home (appointment at 10:10, coffee around 11, then home by 1) and my right knee started to ache a bit so I went to bed and made a big mistake. I had my electric throw over me and the heat from it may have increased the swelling because quickly the pain was excruciating and I could barely move. Alex needed to sleep since he works nights so I got out of bed and took some pain meds and even some rum out of desperation and no luck. A call to the doctors office had them informing me this sometimes happens and that if there is swelling before the shot it can be made worse which hurts and can pinch the already damaged nerves. They said to elevate it and ice it (I hate that part) I lay on the couch with my knee up and a bag of frozen cauliflower on it and called my mom and cried because the pain not only was so bad but because it reminded me of the years of pain I had with arthritis and the many many times I hurt this bad with arthritis when I was twice this big. I had jinxed myself by saying that the worst pain with the cortisone worn off before the shot was not as bad as an average day at over 440. I think if it is possible I have a form of PTSD where my knee pain is concerned, I am terrified of the pain not going away and spending the rest of my life like this. There will come a time when I need the knee replacements and I understand that they are horribly painful for months and ache for up to years but I am trying to put it off if at all possible and lose more weight…I think I needed this reminder about how serious this all is to motivate me.

If I had any doubt that I really do need to lose more, that I need to be far more serious about it all then this changed that, taking a step and wanting to throw up from the pain makes me realize that I can never slack, I can never allow myself to gain back the crippling weight that did this to my joints in the first place.

Another note, out of desperation I took a celebrex, I took maximum strength chewable antacid, ate some stomach coating stuff and hoped for the best (still hoping one NSaID doesn’t do too much harm)  In July when I do this again I am doing a few things differently:

#1 super hydrate to help with inflammation

#2 take the 2 days before it easy and not walk all over the place or go out a lot so the knees can relax (i over did in the days leading up to the shot Monday)

#3 the evening before and the early morning of I will take first a Celebrex then later a Midol with hardcore Antacids and stomach coating foods (1 of each…talked to my WLS doc about it nd once in a very long while it is ok)

#4 late night before the shot I will ice my knees for a while and lay on my back with them elevated

#5 as soon as the shots are done I will go home, elevate them and relax, Alex has agreed to plan on taking the 3 days a year I get my shots done off just in case so unlike tonight I wont be home alone if something does happen

and most of all

I want to lose at least 3-4 pounds a month between shots so that I can be down another 12-16 pounds by July (putting me at around 220)

Every pound I lose helps!!

Cortisone shots and thoughts on pain

This morning I got cortisone shots in my knees and if you have never had them before I will answer your most likely question… yes they do hurt going in to the joint but it is the next 24-48 hours that hurt like hell.  You have a few oz of a gel pushed in between your already damaged and in my case swollen joints and it can take up to 2 days to be absorbed by the body and start the anti-inflammation work they do.  And YES they are worth it, worth every single minute of pain over the next few days so I can have 3 months of relief (sadly I can only get them every 4 months)

I had this in both knees today, but my knees are really badly damaged

As I was laying in bed tonight barely able to bend my knees or fully straiten them and wishing like hell I had something that could actually take the pain away I realized something, this is the level of pain I use to live with when I was so much heavier and slowly the pain has lessened as I lost 200 pounds.

That was the kind of pain I had very often when I was over 400 pounds and as I got up over 440 (maxed out at 463) I was at this level of pain everyday and I while learned to deal with it ok it really drove me pretty crazy, it messed with my head and changed me a lot. Chronic pain eats at you and makes your days hard and your nights hellish.

I am not use to that pain anymore now that I have lost 200 pounds, there are days it hurts, hell weeks when it aches enough to make me exhausted cause I can’t sleep all that well but other than the 2 days after a cortisone shot treatment or the hour or so after I wrench it once in a while my knees never hurt this badly.

There are times I hate the limitations I have now after surgery, and a big part of me misses the days where I did not worry about my weight much (which explains how I got so big)and when I modeled and when I was strangely comfortable in my body most of the time but you know what? I would not change having my surgery for anything, it has given me so much and I am determined to make it work, lose the weight to get the knee replacement (a totally different kind of serious pain but worth it) and to keep it off… some how I will make it work.