Tag Archives: cross-posted

High protein, low Carb, gluten free Pi day pie

The low Carb/high protein/gluten free pi day pie I made, chopped cashew crust, 1 cupnsugar free strawberry yogurt, 1 package sugar free chocolate pudding, 12oz milk and 6oz cream cheese and almonds on top.  Very yummy actually

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Filed under Food, protein, Recipes

Excuses and Mistakes

I had a very stressful last 24 hours, missed some of my meds, got shorted $16 and lost $20 worth of stuff I needed, then had a lot of pain issues, and had some business SNAFUs come up then banking issues and I used it all as an excuse to buy a huge cookie knowing it would mess me up, I ate a few bites and threw the damn thing out the car window then went and worked out despite my knee hating me.
The thing is I didn’t buy it Because I had a bad day, I used having a bad day as an excuse to misbehave and then I remembered EXCUSES ARE BORING AND FOR THE WEAK.
I did not have major surgery and lose this weight to keep making excuses and I don’t have to be weak anymore.
I know that I will mess up again but only I can decide how badly, how often and how I let it effect my determination to succeed. 
So it is time to forgive and move on but not forget and repeat.

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Filed under Addiction, changing how I think, pain

Fear of screwing it up

I will be honest, I am scared of screwing up this knee replacement thing.
I am not afraid it will hurt, it WILL hurt like hell but that pain should end soon enough compared to a lifetime of pain.
I am not afraid that the joint will fail or I will die, I am healthy, the odds of either are rare and I can only hope for the best.
No I am afraid that *I* will fuck this up by not being dedicated enough, not being strong enough to push through the pain and do what needs doing. I am afraid I wont be able to make myself do my pre surgery exercises in a sensible way and not set myself back, I am afraid I will slack on my physical therapy when the time comes.
I know I have an illness that makes everything seem just that much harder but I can’t help it, deep in my heart of hearts I am convinced, no matter how hard I try to think otherwise, that I am just lazy and a weakling.  Maybe it all really is my fault, maybe everything from insulin resistance to chronic fatigue are totally in my head and in the end I am just lazy.
Or worse, maybe they arent in my head, maybe I just can’t win.
OK so I have vented those fears so it is time to put them to rest, even if I am just lazy I can change, I can keep trying.  Even if it is an illness that makes everything I do harder I simply have to work smarter and more diligently and do what I already should be doing for my health with my eating, very high protein, moderate healthy fats, and very low carbs with very little gluten. 
And when it hurts, when I want to quit and give up I have to remember that this battle is for my quality of life as well as the quantity because I need to keep moving to stay healthy.

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Filed under Arthritis and health issues, changing how I think, chronic fatigue syndrome, confession, depression and mental health, fears, knee replacement, Motivation, spoonie