Weight countdown jars

23 months ago in Apr 2010 I had weight loss surgery, I was over 400 pounds, I had weighed 463 pounds when I was first scheduled for surgery in Aug 09 and since then I have lost nearly half my body weight
The half gallon bottle I tried was too small for 229 bamboo pieces (I used bamboo pieces from place mats and dyed them with alcohol ink I made) so this is a Gallon Jar next to a pint jar, my goal by the way is 190… not too worried about getting smaller than that just want to break 200

My Stall/Falter seems to be over (fingers crossed – knock on wood)

On Friday the 15th I weighed at the Dr’s office and I was 264, today (11 days later) I weighed and I am 250 and very very excited because for the last 3 months I have been more or less stalled weight wise (which is terrifying so close to surgery).

Twice in the last 16 weeks I lost 10 pounds all of a sudden (in a week or two) and then gain back 5 even faster and I did not know what had caused it cause I seemed to me that I was doing the same over all.   I would sit at the same weight for weeks upon weeks and be stressed and anxious. I was eating around 1600 calories a day most days and thinking I was a huge failure… I thought that I was eating too much and so I would get depressed and eat the wrong things (simple carbs) and hate myself for being weak all over again.
Finally I was talking to a WLS friend (Switched_Scoop) on twitter and she mentioned the actual percentages behind my type of surgery (something I am not sure I may of heard before but if so it didn’t stick)…

A Duodenal Switch patient absorbs 60% or the protein and 60% carbs they eat and only 20% of the fat … with me this means I absorb and average of 45-50% of my calories… 1600 divided by 50%=800 calories a day… I was starving myself to the point my body was in now in starvation mode and it was telling me to fuck off and that it wasn’t giving up a bit more til I fed it better damn it!

I started to pay attention to what I was eating and realized that I was eating not only too little calories most days but not enough protein and too many carbs.  I took into consideration the fact that if you want to lose really big quantities of weight you have to increase protein (at least in my case and we are talking hundreds of pounds to lose… not 20) as a female I would normally need 60-70 grams, as a WLS patient in fast weight loss mode I needed to ABSORB about 80-100 grams (this means I have to take in 145 grams on average)

At first I panicked when I tried counting calories AND upping my protein, when I saw the numbers of the calories climb I could not help but feel like I was doing something wrong even though I reminded myself that I could take in nearly 2000 of the right kinds of calories and only be absorbing 1200 calories… that was the whole point of THIS surgery.  The entire point behind giving up 80% of my stomach forever and bypassing a large section of my upper intestines.
So I stopped counting calories and stated counting just protein grams and water intake and cut back on simple carbs like sweets and now I am losing again and eating much better than before and really no more than a woman my size should normally eat (1900-2200 calories) it is just that I am now eating what is better FOR ME with my type of surgery.

I had a goal to get to 250 by August 3rd, the day before the convention I am working at… and while i would like to get to 245 by then (8 days away) I will not stress it… now my only goal is that by the weekend AFTER convention I dont weigh more than I do now.  The fact is convention can be hard on weight even though I have detailed plans for what to eat to maintain my weight and protein levels and to not to give in to a carb attack and gas the place out.

I will up date you on the 12th if not sooner

Cortisone shots and thoughts on pain

This morning I got cortisone shots in my knees and if you have never had them before I will answer your most likely question… yes they do hurt going in to the joint but it is the next 24-48 hours that hurt like hell.  You have a few oz of a gel pushed in between your already damaged and in my case swollen joints and it can take up to 2 days to be absorbed by the body and start the anti-inflammation work they do.  And YES they are worth it, worth every single minute of pain over the next few days so I can have 3 months of relief (sadly I can only get them every 4 months)

I had this in both knees today, but my knees are really badly damaged

As I was laying in bed tonight barely able to bend my knees or fully straiten them and wishing like hell I had something that could actually take the pain away I realized something, this is the level of pain I use to live with when I was so much heavier and slowly the pain has lessened as I lost 200 pounds.

That was the kind of pain I had very often when I was over 400 pounds and as I got up over 440 (maxed out at 463) I was at this level of pain everyday and I while learned to deal with it ok it really drove me pretty crazy, it messed with my head and changed me a lot. Chronic pain eats at you and makes your days hard and your nights hellish.

I am not use to that pain anymore now that I have lost 200 pounds, there are days it hurts, hell weeks when it aches enough to make me exhausted cause I can’t sleep all that well but other than the 2 days after a cortisone shot treatment or the hour or so after I wrench it once in a while my knees never hurt this badly.

There are times I hate the limitations I have now after surgery, and a big part of me misses the days where I did not worry about my weight much (which explains how I got so big)and when I modeled and when I was strangely comfortable in my body most of the time but you know what? I would not change having my surgery for anything, it has given me so much and I am determined to make it work, lose the weight to get the knee replacement (a totally different kind of serious pain but worth it) and to keep it off… some how I will make it work.

ARGGGG what is wrong with my resolve lately?

Today I blew it food wise, I have eaten way too many sweets!  I mean LOTS AND LOTS of sweet, this problem has been building over the last 10 days-2 weeks or so when my stress level got so high I was having anxiety attacks and eating to sooth myself but things are getting better and so I really have no excuse for today’s disaster.

It started out with me eating NERDS candies, those itty bitty little boxes, an oz or so at a time once or twice a day, and has gotten worse with me eating chocolate and now today baked goods…. yeah you read right, not a single baked good but GOODS.  I had part of a brownie, most of a Nutella croissant and about half of an almond paste croissant AND a bite of zucchini bread… WTF???????  What did I think I was doing and why the hell did I then follow it up with some Tolberone?  I also have not been eating enough protein at all for the last 2 weeks and today the only protein I have had by 11 pm is a protein shake of maybe 25 grams (I am suppose to get 80 to 100 a day in with my DS the way it is)

I feel like I have hit rock bottom snack wise today and I feel like I have no control.  I HAVE to pull my head out ad get my act together, the worse part is I have just started to lose weight again after being in a pound stall and losing inches instead for 2 1/2 months.  The worse part is while i am sure I will be sick later it is not happening fast enough to slow me down.  There are times I wish I dumped like RNYers.

The stress is still there, my income has been cut nearly in half with no real way to increase it at this time, I only found out yesterday my insurance will stay intact and I am worried silly about the weather for our handfasting on the 30th of April, WTH was I thinking?????  April is WET but this year is one of the coldest and wettest in decades in Boise.

I am also having a major arthritis flair up and I am afraid this is just how my knee is going to be til I lose enough to get the knee replacement so what do I do???  EAT JUNK, and lots of it.

I think I need to detox big time so for the next few days I am not eating any simple carbs at all and then a small amount of veggies.  I will drink as much as I can stand and try to clean out my system, maybe it will also help my mood and my anxiety to not have so much crap in my system anymore.  I want to feel good for the handfasting.  Hell I just want to feel good.