Big drop

After a 3 day hospital stay I was 234 from IVs (I went I at 222) pain meds had me constipated and then killed my appetite.
I went to an orthopedic rehab and scared them because they expected me to lose the 12 pounds difference and in the first 10 days I lost 25 …. by the time I left 3 weeks later I was 199.  Two weeks later and I average out at 195 (my new ID even says that) I was stalled for 2 months yoyoing between 212 and 219 until 3 days of stress eating caught up with me right before surgery.
Also I am 3 years out, I spent the entire time pushing protein and trying to get enough calories to heal and I am still trying and while I am on a lower dose of meds and can eat more often I now can’t stomach more than a few bites at a time.
Sometimes going back to basics does help, I now work out as much as I can, I drink 2 protein drinks a day (I am a DSer and need 140 grams of protein to heal OK) and eat about 85% protein with a few sweet or fibrous things to help with the constipation.
I could lose more quickly by not forcing higher calorie proteins like nuts but I am aware my body needs at least some calories to heal my knee. 
In the end basics matters but so does taking care of yourself

My personal Buffet rules

Ask your surgeon’s office if they have a card defining you as a WLS patient and asking that you be allowed a discount on buffets or to be allowed to order Alan carte or off a kids menu.  Golden Corral lets me pay as if I was 8-12 years old $5.95 for dinner….a few others do a 25% discount.
I have forts very good at eating right at a buffet and haven’t over done for the last 7-8 times.
My tricks with buffet are:
Find the small dessert size plates
It is better to fill 3 small plates with a few bites each than to over fill a big one.
Sit with your back to the food, studies prove you will eat less
As usual, protein first, be careful of sauces which can both upset your stomach and pack in sugar. Don’t put anything but protein on your first small plate, then check out steamed veggies or mixed veg/protein dishes.
Sit as far from the food as possible so you have to walk farther and are less likely to graze.
If you decide to have dessert do not bring a whole piece back with you, I allow myself half tiny square of fudge and about 2 bites of carrot cake and take a clean knife and cut a piece of fudge right there at the counter and only take a tiny bit off the tip of the cake..where the least amount of frosting is.
Eat slowly…very very slowly, I was screwing this up on about every 4th time and throwing up…and I know exactly what does it each time, I’d go too fast and then tell myself “I am full but a few (5) strawberries won’t hurt” HA! The minute you feel full you are DONE
If you go with friends take a note book and doodle or make notes or lists between plates of food and chat with them so they don’t feel rushed and forced to cut their meal short and so it slows you down.

High protein, low Carb, gluten free Pi day pie

The low Carb/high protein/gluten free pi day pie I made, chopped cashew crust, 1 cupnsugar free strawberry yogurt, 1 package sugar free chocolate pudding, 12oz milk and 6oz cream cheese and almonds on top.  Very yummy actually

Feeling under attack by my own body

Damn splenda, when I first ODed on it about 4 months ago I thought I was dying. I had just given up sugar and was reducing my shockingly huge caffeine intake by 70% and so I was drinking massive glasses of tea and realized that I been using 25 packs a day and getting horribly  sick. I reduced to no more than 7 a day and was doing fine but my body is never happy with what I want and sometimes I slip up and drink a few more.  The thing is now 10 is enough to trigger the reactions and splenda is actually harder to quit than sugar has been and I go through hell trying to give either of them up for long.

Symptoms include:
Dehydration and a miserable thirst despite drinking alot of water
all over body ache similar to the flu
Muscle weakness and horrendous joint pain,
A near migraine level headache
Itchy skin, especially my hands,
PMS type irritability,
None of which by the way is really touched by pan relievers.

I know it is evil stuff. My pain tells me that, I also know I have two different issues with my body that cause it to react badly to sugars. I am insulin reactive which makes my body treat even small amounts of simple carbohydrates (sugars) as if they were an even more highly addictive substance than they actually are.  I also have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome which causes sugars to react badly with my moods causing foggy thoughts and depression as well as increasing my over all inflammation.
I know all of that but giving it up cold turkey is hell and the only way I ever have managed for even a month, giving up even 90% means the 10% triggers my insulin resistance and my cravings, and now even smaller amounts of splenda is triggering a toxic reaction.
I sort of am feeling sort under attack by … I don’t know…fate or something.
All my life sweets were my addiction, they were my crutch and security blanket and I am more than aware that they were killing me.  I ate myself up to 460+ pounds, I crippled myself and I now know that at least a good deal of my depression, chronic pain and other random illnesses I now realize were related to CFS were exacerbated by my ridiculous sugar intake.  I know I have to give it up for so many reasons but it just makes me so sad that I am someone whose body is so messed up that they can’t have even a little something sweet.
I work at giving up sugar and one of the few treats I was still able to enjoy was sweet hot tea or coffee and now it feels as if I can’t have any.
If I drink too much caffeine I either can’t sleep worth a damn or if I really drink too much I crash out for days. I can no longer drink sugars at all due to the weight loss surgery causing liquid sugar to react badly with my stomach, apspertame makes me sick as a dog eating grass and now anything more than 4 packets of splenda puts me in pain. Oh yeah and Stevia tastes like hay.
I know that I just need to stop, stop eating sugar for my health as it causes ahost of physical and mental issues with my weirdo body and now I just need to give up sweeteners all together.
And I really need to give up this feeling of being punished and stop being so lax in taking care of myself and I need to put my overall health and comfort ahead of momentary impulses for sweets and the temporary comfort it brings.

NOTE: All I can think about as I write this is whether I can justify a danish or not in the morning.  Crap I want to cry.

Feeling in control for once

Nov writing month blog challenge day 3

CONTROL
The thing is in the last 11 days of not eating any sugar my only cravings have been purely mental ones after the second day, usually when I try to cut back or just have even 1 piece of dark dark chocolate a day I crave the sugar physically far worse than mentally but I realized that due to a long term problem with chronic fatigue syndrome dating back to my teens when my weight went insane I have major physical reactions to sugar and caffeine and they can increase my pain and inflammation. 
Without any processed sugar and less than 25% of the caffeine I was drinking just 2 weeks ago I now have less pain, anxiety and anger issues and I am not as exhausted all the time but I have to accept that I will always face triggers but I am the one who aims the gun so to speak.  I choose if I eat, I Choose what I eat, I am not helpless to my cravings and if I keep resisting them physically at least I will be more able to resist the urge. 
I did not give in last night despite the list of excuses and I realize I don’t have to ever give in if I don’t want to. 
Maybe for one of the first time ever in my life I am not just exerting real control over what I eat and why but more to the point for the first time ever I FEEL IN CONTROL.  I have quit sweets before but I always thought of it as a transient condition.  I was always just waiting out whatever goal date I had set for myself, such as no sugar for a month, counting down the days til I could indulge my addiction. 
This is the first time I have no deadline, no end date, I am not telling myself that we will have cake for my birthday in a month, or if I behave I can have Christmas as a free day and yet I feel safer and more in control of my eating than I ever have before.  Accepting that there is no way for me to have free days without them becoming free months is also truly for the first time accepting I have a biological issue that effects how my body deals with sugar and that while my addiction is not my fault my recovery is my responsibility.

Giving up so much but getting more back

So it seems that not eating carbs, sugars, and drinking lots of milky tea this week has finally made a difference, in 3 days I lost 5 pounds and I am now at my lowest adult weight of 217.

Lets just hope I can stick with it and lose 13 more pounds by Dec 7th (my birthday) to reach my goal of half of what I weighed the day of my weight loss Surgery when I was 411 pounds.
Personally if at all possible I would love to lose 20 pounds by new years day so I could strt the year under 200 pounds.

I just wish it was easier for me and not such a constant struggle.  I really wish that I had more self control but the fact is I have major impulse control issues, right now I am having to give up so much for my health and to reduce my pain on top of all the stuff I have had to give up due to my altered anatomy (but much of which I wasn’t giving up enough which explains why I have been stalled)

Just to give you an idea here is the stuff I can NOT have:
*Simple carbs/sugar, including alcohol,
*Large amounts of gluten,
*Pasta, bread, actually regardless of if it is gluten free my body can handle almost no grains/rice of any type, except very small amounts of Quinoa
*Almost every raw vegetables (only a small amount of well cooked ones)
*And almost all fruit due to the fiber,
*Anything at all with MSG or most nitrates
*Anything deep fried regardless of how little breading is on it
*Fibrous, dry or under cooked cuts of meat

*Too much Splenda sweetener

*Any sugar-free candy

*And I have had about an 85% reduction in caffeine from what I was drinking 2 weeks ago

Here on the other hand the kind of stuff I can eat:
Milk (lots of it…especially in tea)
Lite (low sugar) yogurt
Cheese
Very tender Chicken, fish, non fatty Beef and Pork (this gets old fast BTW..and it is expensive even when you eat small amounts)
Scrambled eggs in small amounts but not Boiled as they can make me sick
Small amounts of Quinoa
White or black beans super well cooked
Tomatoes and cucumbers (if peeled)
Well cooked peppers in small amounts, same with onions

Nuts like Almonds (though too many hurt my guts)

Peanuts and Adams Peanut butter

Split pea soup if I cream it
Decaf coffee and tea
A small amount of regular tea

When I stick with eating only what I can then I feel better eventually but the first week or so is hell, last week I tried to let myself have about an oz of dark chocolate but I think it was making it harder.

By the way when I list what I can and cant eat, or the meds/ vitamins/ supplements I take I am not looking for Pity not even from myself.
I knew most of what I was giving up with my surgery before it happened in late April 2010 (30 months ago) but I have cheated A LOT.  I realized recently that beyond slowing my weight loss I was having issues with sugar and carbs exacerbating my Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and causing many symptoms to flair up and because it was getting so bd I can not eat Sugars (carbs) very much at all with out exhaustion and increased pain sensitivity and a serious increase in inflammation which leads to lower mobility and even more pain.

All of this is my choice, my choice to give up those things just as it is my choice when I eat things I shouldn’t, yes Insulin Deficiency makes it more difficult to resist sugar but it does not make it impossible nor does it force feed me against my will.  No, I am the only one who puts the food in my mouth and I can choose even if it is difficult to the point of tears not to eat something.

Everyday for years I had to make the choice to walk despite horrible pain (there are still days like that even nearly 250 pounds smaller) I could of chosen to give up and never walk anywhere but I kept moving s much as I could.

I make my own choices…I could have kept going as I was, not having surgery, not changing anything and simply continued to get bigger and by now I would be in a wheel chair and compulsively eating to deal with stress and pain and making everything worse and I would be in so much more pain than now and so exhausted (as I have been most of my adult life) that I would not of been able to help myself get better.

For that matter I could have kept going the way I have been for the last year or more since surgery, eating the foods I knew upset my stomach and guts and having no energy and stalling weight wise for months on end, and just hating myself for failing to behave.
So no I am not asking for pity, I made my choices and now I am trying to live up to the decisions I made.

sadly I realize that this means I get to change things like how I socialize since food is a huge part of that, there may be times when I shall simply have to avoid certain social situations until I can feel more in control of myself.

Fell off the wagon

Oh man if I ever doubted caffeine and sugar kick me down I don’t now.  I am totally wiped out and head and body achy after eating a horrible amount of sugar yesterday and this morning (yay stress and weak will) and drinking a big mug of regular coffee (yay the habit of always pulling my coffee of the pot Next to the decaf and not paying attention)
I felt better by Thursday last week after barely eating sweets for a week and less caffeine and now I feel the same old same old.  Good to recognize this now before I get back in to the habit of eating sweet stuff all day and drinking a pot of coffee a day.

Theory

Time to test a theory, the sites I checked about chronic fatigue say that both sugar and excess caffeine can exacerbate a flair up of symptoms, today I was more or less fine until I ate chocolate and drank more than my morning coffee (this was at around 6:30)  after that my energy crashed and my pain levels went up.
So tomorrow I will not have excess garbs and only a 16 oz coffee early in the day and a little tea throughout. We will see how I feel tomorrow night.

Theory

Time to test a theory, the sites I checked about chronic fatigue say that both sugar and excess caffeine can exacerbate a flair up of symptoms, today I was more or less fine until I ate chocolate and drank more than my morning coffee (this was at around 6:30)  after that my energy crashed and my pain levels went up.
So tomorrow I will not have excess garbs and only a 16 oz coffee early in the day and a little tea throughout. We will see how I feel tomorrow night.

So close, now to get serious, again

((I am 3-5 pounds away from being 231 pounds, half of the 463 I once got up to…I WANT to lose that by the 26th of April my 2 year anniversary of my surgery but my weight loss has slowed to a snails pace, and when I am honest with myself I know why…..))

Talking about health and changes in diet with my wonderful Future Brother In Law made me realize I just how badly I have been slacking on taking care of myself.  I have allowed excuses like working at a convention to justify my bad choices and even after it was all said and done I continue to make those bad choices.
“Well I am an addict” is NEVER acceptable justification for doing what you know is bad for you, my very very real sugar addiction (insulin resistance) does not justify me eating a candy bar or worse daily… if anything it means I have to be extra spacial careful NOT to give in so easily.
“I have an addiction” should be instead what I say to myself to remind myself how much worse what seems like simple choices to others are for me.
Some people are prone to certain addictions and not others, their bodies act almost opposite of someone with an allergy, most people I know have no issue with MSG but I do, most people I know have little or no insulin resistance (their bodies dont treat simple carbohydrates like a drug and start a craving cycle like for tobacco or alcohol)
On the other hand I have tired smoking cigarettes at different times in my life and even after doing it for a bit had no problem giving them up cold, my body never craved them while many of my friends dont function at all well without nicotine.
I will follow my own advice and take a serious look yet again at what, when and why I eat, I will decide what choices I am making that are sabotaging myself and I will change those behaviors and make better choices.
I did not come this far (with in a handful of pounds from half of my largest size) to allow myself and my excuses to get in my own way.

PI Day – DS healthy protein cheesecake Pie

PI Day every geeks favorite excuse to make Pie and play with math

So while my friends are making decadent and wildly unhealthy pies I decided to make 2 healthy ones
One savory pie and one sweet

Quinoa Crust Chicken Pie
Ingredients:
1 cup of cooked Quinoa
3 eggs
1 pound of chicken breast baked and diced
6oz of shredded cheese
1/2 cups milk
1/2 cup ricotta cheese
1 cup of chopped broccoli steamed
1 tbs cornstarch

Directions:
Oil a large pie pan or 8×8 cake pan
in a bowl mix together the quinoa and 1 of the eggs and pack into the bottom of the pan
bake this crust for 15 mins in a 350 oven (check after 10 mins, it should be slightly firm but not over cooked)
in a microwave safe bowl mix shredded cheese and ricotta and microwave for 45 seconds to soften them
mix the cornstarch and cold milk together and heat over medium temps in a sauce pan and as it begins to thicken add the cheese mixture and stir.
Season to taste
remove from heat and allow to cool a few minutes then whip in the remaining 2 eggs
Place the diced chicken and chopped vegetables over the quinoa and then pour the cheese and eggy mixture over it
place the pan back into a 350* oven and bake for 30mins or until a knife inserted in the middle comes back clean.

 

WLS Friendly High Protein cheesecake pie

Ingredients:
1 graham cracker crust. (I use store bought since it is such a small part of the pie but you can make a crust with SF cookies and butter)
2 sm packages of Sugar Free Cheesecake flavored Jell-o brand pudding
1 cup of whipping cream
1 1/2 cups milk
2 scoops vanilla protein powder (I prefer Syntrax Nectar)

Directions:
in a medium sized mixing bowl measure out 1 cup of whipping cream, using cold beaters whip the cream until medium stiff and set aside
in another bowl mix the protein powder and milk and then add the pudding mix and begin mixing it with the beaters
start folding in the whipped cream and continue to mix until fluffy
pour into the crust and refrigerate

If you wish to add fruit such as strawberries of blueberries I suggest slicing them and heating them in a small pan with an oz of SF Italian Syrup such as Torani or DiVinci until they are somewhat soft, cool and spoon onto the plate beside the pie

Super simple Cheesy chicken and broccoli

This is a very high protein dish that can be eaten by itself or just as easily be served over rice or pasta or quickly made into a pot pie for family members.

1 rotisserie chicken deboned (or 2 pounds of baked chicken)
8 oz of frozen broccoli
8 oz of frozen cauliflower
12 oz of milk
2/3 cup ricotta cheese
1 cup shredded cheese
1/2 cup sour cream
2/3 cup chicken broth

Directions :
Debone the chicken into a medium sized crock pot on high and add the milk.
Add half of a one pound bag each of frozen broccoli and frozen cauliflower to a large microwave bowl with the broth and heat on high for 5 mins or until the vegetables are fork tender.
In another bowl add the ricotta, shredded cheese and sour cream and the now hot chicken broth and stir then microwave for 1 min and stir again.  If the cheese mix is not smooth yet heat for 45 more seconds.
Add the cheese mix and hot vegetables to the crockpot and allow to cook on high for 30-45 mins while doing other stuff and then then to low.

To make into a cheesy chicken pot pie for the family scoop a cup of the mix into a large oiled rammikin and using Jiffy or Bisquick mix make the topping.  I use half a cup of mix and add small amounts of milk til I have a some what soft biscuit batter and spoon it on top of the cheesy chicken casserole.